A couple of weeks ago, we had the opportunity to go to the state fair to spend time with my family which we were really excited about. My little brother shows sheep up there (I did too a long time ago, lol) so they spend a week there camping. It's a lot of fun. Anyway, we drove up there, met up with my family and had a really fun day... and the weather was PERFECT which, in my 10 years of experience, is VERY rare, lol.

I did have a major down point. I know how awful it's going to sound but honestly, seeing my mom was a downer. She treats me like a stranger, never acknowledges my husband and barely interacts with my kids. She's only seen Ainzley once since she was born and mom didn't even glance at her while we were there. At one point, David and my dad were playing football at the campground and my mom walked out of the camper. A friend of mine asked David who that (my mom) was and he didn't say a word. My dad quickly responded with "That's no one." Everyone brushed it off but it was devastating to me. My mom really is no one to my kids. She is no one to Jason (not for lack of effort on his part) and soon, she may end up as no one to me. Since I've been in high school, I've longed for a relationship with my mom. I grew up with opportunities that my mom didn't have. I took advantage of the ones she wanted me to participate in (mainly 4-H and FFA) but, ultimately, it was the ones I found on my own that I loved the best (singing, show choir, etc). She didn't like that I wouldn't put her choices first and was very vocal about it. It got worse when I became LDS and married in the temple. I think it hit rock bottom for her when I got pregnant with David, got pregnant again with Ainzley, chose home birth and she finally realized that I have no plans to divorce my husband any time soon.

As a mother, I rejoice in my children. I don't know how I could love them anymore and want nothing more than for them to be happy. I want them to recognize their talents and pursue them, nurture them, grow them and share them. I want the BEST for them... I don't feel like my mom wants those things for me. I'm not saying I'm a better mom than mine is, I just wish she could appreciate the amazing things I've done in my life rather than hold a grudge because she realizes she couldn't control my life.

I am so jealous of girls/women who say their mom is their best friend. I am envious of moms who get to see their mom be a grandma. I think about the relationship I had with my mom's mom growing up. She was the BEST grandma I could have asked for! She did all the crafty things. We baked together. We watched movies together. Grandma's house was the best! I hate that my kids won't experience that with my mom.

My mom and I barely speak now. We basically have nothing to talk about. I try calling her and she won't answer her phone. I miss my family so much but being around them means being around her which is beyond difficult these days. I really don't know what to do anymore. It sucks so bad that I can't feel comfortable around my mom.

Ok, my venting/lamenting/pity party is over. Bless you if you made it to the end of this post!

Moving

So, it turns out we're going to be moving asap... Since we've both started school, we figure it will be easier to work on the house when we can be there 24/7. Lately it's just been me and the kids at the house and since they don't have the things they're used to having all the time (mainly beds for napping and a wider variety of toys), it's difficult for me to get much done. Poor David will just pass out on the rug in the living room when he wants his nap! Ainzley will just scream. Lately I've been swaddling her and letting her nap in her bouncy chair which has been working well but is only a temporary fix. Anyway, we're getting the carpets cleaned on Monday so really, as soon as we can get all our stuff over there, we'll be living there permanently.

On a side note, I'm really enjoying fixing up the house. I'm learning how to do a lot of stuff and have always been hands on so it's great! K, gotta pack

I just ordered the material for Ainzley's crib bedding. I am beyond excited. I've picked the colors antique blue, white, silver and a few hints of pink. I'm all about girly, but like it to be understated rather than pink splashed across everything and am certainly opposed to bright pink and animal print... yuck.

There will still be soft pink, damask prints and handmade flowers in silver vases I found at Ashley furniture this morning (they're beautiful). I can't wait to post pictures! :)

Edited: I clicked on the "View Post" button after I published this post only to realize that Ainzley's room descriptions bares a lot of resemblance to my blog decor, lol. Trust me, it's very different! ;)

As it turns out...

I'm a pretty good caulker! Which I already knew from the mission trip I took with my parents' church the summer before my senior year of high school... but reminders are always nice! ;) We put Wainscoting up in our dining room and yesterday I caulked all the seams. We also painted the ceiling (what an arm workout!!!). All we have left is the chair rail, painting the wainscoting and chair rail, waxing the hardwood and our dining room will be done! With the exception of the pantry, the kitchen is done as well. Appliances are in, flooring is down... it's coming together! We still have painting and cleaning to do but, overall, we're liking it.

School starts Monday!! We're excited that Jason will be starting nursing school and I'm almost done with my Associates so it's going to be a good semester! I think I'm going to take 2 8 week classes thought because I was also just hired by a local high school to make their color guard costumes which is looking like it's going to be a big project. I'm meeting with the coach tomorrow to finalize everything and then the work begins! If I'm not around for awhile... check for me under high piles of tulle!!!!

To my wonderful son

You are your father. You are his mini-me. Much like your father, you are such a joy to our family. You are have his temper (beware!! ;)) but you are also quick to apologize and forgive. You and your father are determined. You work for what you want even if it's just to say you've done it. You love to learn new things and to make people laugh. I think he taught you Tagalog when I was busy with Ainzley one day because there are so many things you say that make me go "huh?" yet you are also very eloquent. You are so full of love. You are very VERY smart... never doubt your capacity for knowledge. You are very busy - always running, jumping, exploring and doing.

David you are so loved. We are incredibly blessed to have you in our family. Thank you for being a wonderful teacher to us :)

House update

OK, after a fast and furious visit from my family the weekend before last, there has been a LOT of progress!

2 sets of missionaries helped us tear up the ceramic tile in the kitchen and clean - that was basically all the prep work we got done, lol. While my family was here, we installed a new back door and frame, changed locks on both exterior doors, hung mirrors in the bathrooms, put up a banister in the stairway, leveled a floor, installed 2 counter tops, hung wainscoting in the dining room, patched holes, built a pantry, installed a new kitchen sink and a bunch more little things I've forgotten, lol. We still have a lot more to do, though and with school starting in 2 weeks, well, we may finish some things after we move in. We've painted a few rooms and even painted the dining room 3 times... let's just say that room is difficult to know what paint will look like on the walls until it's done. I still don't really like the color that's on the walls in there but Jason does. We'll see...

We also got all the appliances to the house yesterday! The stove and dishwasher were delivered by Lowe's and we picked up the Fridge and microwave. It's starting to look like a livable house! :) Only one bummer - someone stole our hose and spray nozzle. I mean, there was even a working dishwasher and a nice exterior door and you take the hose? Who does that?? LOL

I know I'm a day early, buuuttt...

Happy Baptism Day to my niece Azure! I am so proud of your decision to follow our Savior's example and be baptized. I hope you enjoy your gift - a scripture tote designed and made just for you - beautiful and completely one of a kind :)